Today started like any other Monday, until I got on Facebook. There a friend and I engaged in a discussion concerning placing women in a box and what ultimately equates to "slut-shaming." I took and have always taken the stance that no one should be sleeping around, that both males and females should be held to the same standard. That's my opinion, everyone is entitled to one. However, when we state our opinions a lot gets lost in translation. There's so much more to the issue that what can be said in a few measly sentences under a post. When expressing an opinion, I don't often give a well written essay on the matter, just a few words that can be and often are misinterpreted to mean something else. For example in this debate I said that sleeping around seemed like and easy way to get STDs, have unwanted babies, and possibly create broken hearts. My friend jumped to the argument that married women end up with STDs because their husbands step out on them and the husbands end up with unwanted babies by their mistresses. She is absolutely correct; what was left off in my statement was the fact that my statement was not meant to apply just to women, but to all people. In this conversation, the oversimplification of my opinion, led my friend to believe that 1) I was in total disagreement with her and 2) that I condone women being held to a different standard than men. Neither of which is true.
Woman have a rough history in the world of sex; only in recent decades has it been considered rape if a man forces his wife to have sex with him and as my friend pointed out, mutalization of female genitals has only become outlawed lately in various countries. ISIS supports the raping of women—I just saw a CNN article where ISIS claims raping a women 10 times makes her a muslim (what kinda foolishness?). India has a horrible track record of how women are treated. Some countries still prefer sons to daughters—my friend from China was just discussing the major imbalance there between the population of men and women. In America, people argue about the likes of Nicki Minaj and whether she is sexually exploiting herself or simply in control of her sexuality—or if both are occurring. There's #WhiteFeminism and the likes of Miley Cyrus telling Black women we're too loud or too mean or whatever. Meanwhile men are taking home the checks, doing whatever they please, and getting a "you 'da man!" fist bump from their boys.
So, yes, I am one of those people who doesn't believe in casual sex, but I'm also one of those people who doesn't believe that women should be fighting women. Just because I don't agree with your actions doesn't mean I would (or should, for those of you who do) call you names or treat you differently. Like the little girl who was video tapped in a sexually explicit act with a boy at her high school and bullied unrelentingly by her peers. That is a tragedy. Whether she should or should not have been sexually active at that age is not the point, the point is that she is a human being and deserves respect by default. It's a timeless tale; I remember several girls being caught in such acts when I was in high school and the female was the brunt of teasing and ridicule while the guy was lauded. How would you feel if someone put your life on display and ridiculed you? As my friend would be quick to point out, not all women engage in promiscuous behavior due to insecurities, etc., some enjoy sex without commitment, but either way how is putting them down helping the situation? If that girl/woman does have insecurities you aren't building her up, you aren't helping her take control of her life, you aren't reminding her that she is person deserving respect; you're confirming her insecurities, you're telling her she's not worth anything, and you're tearing her down. What kind of person are you to do that?
We all have opinions, that's why they're kind of worthless. So, yes if we're out on the town and my friend asks me if he or she should sleep with some random person they just met I would probably advise against it, but if they chose to do so I wouldn't condemn them all over the internet and call them names. If my friend told me that though she went home with this guy, she decided not have sex with him and he raped her, I would believe her, not suggest she was asking for it. I would try to comfort her and I would reminder that he was the one in the wrong, that she was not less of a person because of what happened (don't get it twisted, she would not be less of person if she chose to sleep with him either). If my friend told me her boyfriend/husband cheated on her, I'd help her do some damage and kick his butt—just kidding, I'm a pacifist! But seriously, I'd be nothing but support. If my friend told me she cheated on her boyfriend/husband, I'd encourage her to figure out what she wants, and we'd still be the same friends. Life is not about passing judgment on people based on our opinions, it's about supporting each other when we need it and as women, we almost always need support. The war on women must stop and it starts with us building each other up instead of tearing each other down.
